Saturday, December 27, 2008

Taking charge

Yesterday was my first day to be charge nurse.
I think it'll start happening more often.
Not sure if I'm ready for that, especially after the new year.
I am learning so much.

Need to start saving more.
The wedding is less than 4 months away!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


I am so in love.
Sam, I can't wait to marry you.
Shrimp scampi is cooking in the kitchen, and it smells wonderful.
I'm hungry.
This is one of my new favorite songs I think.
Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine
Bella and Edward make the perfect couple.
The soundtrack to the movie is very good. I keep listening to it over and over :o)
I've been trying to put up engagement pics on facebook and the picture loader thing won't work for some reason. Later maybe.
Here are a few.
I miss my sister.
Andi, I'm glad you stayed the night last night.
By the way, little girl, you left your phone charger here. Guess I'll be seeing you tonight ;)

I am so happy.
Oh yea. pics...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Decode [High Quality] - Paramore

No work tomorrow. Then four on. I'll be exhausted after next Monday.
Oh! I move into my apartment next weekend :) I'm super psyched. I've been getting stuff little by little to fill it all up. Think I've got most of the stuff I need, except perhaps a washer/dryer.

So I found the new soundtrack to the Twilight movie. Apparently it's already topped the charts and the movie hasn't even been released yet. Ohhh... whether to watch it or not :-/ I just don't know. I've got the perfect image of Bella and Edward in my head, and so far the previews I've seen have completely let me down. I don't know if I want to taint all the memories of the story by watching the movie. But, then again, I'll probably change my mind by the time the movie debuts.

I'm in need of a workout. A good ab workout. Cardio hasn't been a problem lately. I'm still running as usual, but I want a good core workout. Suggestions?

So the wedding is set for April 19,2009 <3
Oh my! So much to do in so little time!

I miss taking time out of every day to write. To just sit and think. To not have any music on, occupying every space in my mind with idle noise. I want to make time for this again. This and a time for meditation. To talk with God like I He's my friend. My fearful, wonderful, all wonderful friend.

Today, my dad and I ran errands around town and got a few things taken care of. I got to witness a very wonderful thing today. One of the places we stopped at was the hospital patient accounts office. (My dad went to ER a while ago and we had to go get the co-pay taken care of.) ......... Nevermind. I don't really feel like typing out the whole story. It's really long and I'm not into it anymore. I just got a little sad.

Buzz kill, I guess.

Guardian Angel, hmmmn. I've yet to hear you.

Do dreams mean anything?

I miss my friends.

I need to release a little bit of bitterness that's holding onto my heart like a calcification to my left anterior descending artery- the widow maker, so they say. I need to let go and have a stent put in.

I feel like not typing anymore, because nothing I'm saying makes that much sense to anyone who doesn't live inside my head and understand that my train of thoughts is not a train at all. It's more like a train wreck. And it frustrates some people. So I'm sorry if I've frustrated you with my rambling. I'll begin again another day.

Perhaps tomorrow.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

always smiling
hard working
eager to learn
sometimes impatient
too responsible
a red raider
emotional in church
too compassionate
a nurse
in love
truly happy.

Monday, September 29, 2008


We're engaged!! :)

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I will...

always love you, Lord.
always love you family and my dear sweet Sam.
be 22 this year.
go back to school in several years.
be getting 36 hours overtime this pay period.
be happy with all of the blessings in my life.
probably always be short.
never forget my friends.
be 70 one day and still want to go hiking.
always appreciate days where I get to sleep in.
make an honest effort to read the Bible every day.
be married one day, God willing.
be a mother one day, God willing :)
always strive to be a good woman.
be happy with the simple things in life.
pray for people who don't know God.
trust in His Word.
always try to look pretty for myself and my love.
forever be in love with you, Sam.
strive to live my life with honesty as a standard.
appreciate even the smallest of things.
treat others the way I want my family to be treated.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

i suck at coming up with titles

It looks like I'm finally making some progress at a few goals I have. :o) it makes me feel accomplished. This hard work is finally paying off. I started reading a new book: The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. It pretty neat so far, though I'm only 7 pages into it :-b I realized when I started it that I don't think I could ever be an author. I guess I'd never really thought about it, but they have to come up with a LOT of adjectives for a reader to get into the story. Especially in the beginnnig... you have to get a good picture of what's happening to be pulled into the plot. And that mean's lots and lots of description. I'm not sure I could do something like that... I have trouble enough with coming up with a title for my posts. Go figure.

I think I want to find a new way to wear my hair. Maybe I should get a new, thinner curling iron to spruce things up a bit. It just looks a bit bland to me. I don't want to cut it off though... I don't think. I've wanted it long for so long, I'd probably be really upset with myself if I cut it. I don't know, because on the other hand, I want a new look. I'd love to learn how to do that sultry, wavy type of curl. But I haven't a clue. Oh well, guess I'll figure something out.

I'm hungry.

I miss you Bink.

I'm glad I'm getting to spend time with you Andi.

I love you Samy.

So I was thinking about it this morning in my dream, and I realized something. When I left for college, it was just Bink and Andi at the house. They got to spend a year together while I did my own thing. Then I got to spend a year with Bink when she moved to go to college. Now I've moved back home with Andi and Bink is on her own. Next I'll move off or stay here or whatever and Andi will be with Bink. Then after Bink graduates, I guess we'll all be doing whatever we'll be doing on our own. Its pretty cool that it worked out that way. We all got to spend a year with each other all mixed up like that.

Okay, I want to read some more. Until later...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


I have a very BIG idea that struck me today. How realistic it is, I'm not quite sure yet. I've gotta do some research first, but the thought excites me. It could make a huge difference in the way my future will pan out. What to do what to do? Well, for now I'll keep my big idea to myself and those very close to me. Pray for me please, that I make the right decision and keep the Lord in all my thoughts. Thanks.


Sunday, August 10, 2008

Won't back down

This has got to be a new favorite song...
Wont Back Down - Tom Petty
I have happy thoughts right now. Be happy. I am. Stop telling me to be happy. :o)

Thursday, August 7, 2008

a beautiful day

So, I was told yesterday that I have weak eye muscles. Now I have to do eye exercises. Yay. But aside from that, yesterday was a very good day. I got a new hair lady and a new 'do. Its rather cute, I think.

Today, my sis Andi and I are going to this new Asian coffee/tea shop that's supposed to be rather fabulous. I hear it's very quaint, with plenty of oversized couches for lounging and reading a good book. I'll get to continue with my current- Koontz' Velocity. This is my first of Koontz', but it was well recommended, so I'll just have to see how that turns out. In the meantime, Samy and I are reading two trilogies together. I am so excited to finish the last of the twilight series.

The other day, work ran late, and instead of getting off work at 7, I didn't leave until 9. Well, as I was walking out to my car, I call Sam and find out he's parked right next to me. He'd been waiting patiently since 7 with the last book of the series. I'd been wanting it for a year now, and he was so sweet! He'd had it reserved all the while. It came out this month, and there he was to surprise me with it :) It was so sweet! I looked at him with tear-filled eyes (I felt so horrible that he'd waited in the parking lot for 2 hrs!) and felt like the most blessed girl in the whole world. It was the best ending to a 14 hr day of work.

Anyway, I've got to jump in the shower. We just walked the dogs and I'm afraid I smell like it.

Below I've attached some pics from mine and Sam's last adventure :) More to come later.



Saturday, July 12, 2008

Where I'd like to be...

Friday, July 11, 2008


Have you ever experienced a moment in your life where your emotions were completely split? I don't mean torn in two directions in the decision-making sense. I mean you felt two emotions so wholly and immensely, yet they were so completely opposite.

I have done some very good things in my life. And I have done some things I'm not proud of at all. The thing I most regret is that my actions have caused others to hurt with an intensity I still cannot fathom.

I look back on my short-lived life and realize that...

...that I have seriously, seriously hurt several people. Of their forgiveness I am truly undeserving, and I understand and accept that. While, in some instances, there were circumstances at hand that I could not control, I certainly could have responded differently. In hindsight, I now see how incredibly selfish I was. I am so sorry. I was not mature enough to think about the repercussions of my actions, and I certainly was not as open to the wise advice of others as was given me.

My God, forgive me for the pain I've caused these people, the anguish I've put in their hearts. I have not yet forgiven myself for what I've done, and while I've confessed it to You on numerous occasions, I know I will not feel that forgiveness until I can forgive myself. Lord, please help me. Help me to feel your love. Help those I've hurt to accept my sincerest apologies and deepest regrets. Help me to learn from the vast mistakes I've made, and most of all, please help me to be most like You.

While I couldn't be happier in the relationship I am currently in, I fear I lack a part of me as a result of this pain I have in me from the pain I've inflicted in others. I need to let go, to forgive myself. Of that, I'm really just not that sure I can do. God help me.

I just have so many reminders, and it is incredibly difficult to overcome them at times. I will continue to try. I will continue to pray. But KNOWING that I have broken three hearts...

One, at least, I know, has forgiven me. Another I'm pretty sure, but still doubt on occassion. And the other... well.. I just don't know. I think I'm probably the most vile person, though he'd never say that... perhaps his family would. I come here, humbled, knowing I have wronged you. And I ask for your forgiveness. Yes, I have done so before and meant it whole-heartedly then, but I still do not feel forgiven. I still feel your pain though we never speak. I am sorry.

I don't even know if you'll read this... probably not. But know that you will always be dear to my heart and one of the best persons my life has ever known. Though we've grown apart, to say it lightly, and our once passionate and devoted love has morphed into a friendship, I will always love you as my dear, dear friend. I wish you the very best in life and the very best love has to offer. I hope you find a girl who astouonds you in grace, beauty, and an immeasurable reciprocity of love for you. I thank you for all that you have done for me and my family. You just don't know how blessed I am to know you. Again, I ask your forgiveness, and hope you know that I will always be your friend. God bless you...

All my love,

Monday, June 23, 2008

being sick sucks :(

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


sometimes i like to think about new things.

i want a good book to read to keep me from watching tv. i didn't have a tv at all this past school year and did just fine without it. now however, my sis, sam and i have gotten sucked into the "lost" series. none of us had watched any of the shows when they first came out, so we stated with season 1.
now, i fear, it has become addicting. its kinda what we do. i want to watch the box less and read more. any suggestions anyone?

work has been really great. i love the unit i'm on and all the people too. everyone's very nice and good about teaching new nurses. there are a group of nurses that i especially admire- they really really really know their stuff. i think i'd trust my lives to them if i ever needed hospital care. i want to be like them someday... be very confident in my knowledge yet willing to to admit when i don't know something and find an answer.

my director is pretty cool too. she is very up-to-date on new nursing practice and is a good bedside nurse when she's not in her white coat. the thing that i like most about her is her readiness to teach. she has never made me feel dumb for asking a question, and her advocacy for education inspires me to take hold of every learning opportunity i am presented with. i really think i'll love it here.

i take nclex tomorrow! <:-o !! i think i'm ready, though have not studied much. it makes me nervous to think that there's a lot more i could have done to prepare, but those that have taken it before me have said that i'll do fine. should i trust people so readily?

i'm starting to feel like a grown-up :-b

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


It's been a while. I do miss blogging.

I can breathe through one nare at the moment. It's been a little frustrating... I've had allergy/sinus problems as of late, and it hurts because when I lean my head forward, I can feel a sudden throbbing headache.

So besides the body-function update, I start work Monday. Graduation has come and gone, and I've been orienting all this week and last, and Monday is the first day I'll be in the unit :)

I'm excited to buy new cute scrubs.

I do believe it will be great. I can already sense that I will really love working here. One of the great things about this unit is that it is almost fully staffed. And that, my dear friend, is nearly unheard of in terms of nursing today.

I ran into an old friend tonight. Gosh, we hadn't seen each other since junior high. It 's always great to see someone you haven't seen in a long while of just stay friends with the ones you have. God, thank you for my friends.

:drip, drip, drip goes my nose: I think I have a leak. Rhinorrhea rather. Whatever I call it, I'll still have a chapped nose in the morning.


The Only Promise That Remains - Reba McEntire & Justin Timberlake

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Monday, April 28, 2008


One more class. One more test. And that is the end of my undergraduate studenthood.


I'm so excited... I just might pull off all As this semester. Not bad, not bad at all. It'll boost my fallen gpa a bit. I'm just sad that I'm not graduating in the nursing honor sorority, Sigma Theta Tau, or with any honors at all :( It's kinda funny how that worked out. I've gotten honors all my life, except for the one big accomplishment in my life. Ha.. the irony. Oh well, I'll take it as an opportunity to practice humility. My mom always told me that God will give you chances to gain what you pray for. Just so happens I always pray that I be humble. My big moment...

I am so ready.

So I think I've pretty much decided that I'm going to move home for several months after graduating. Hopefully, that'll give me some time to save up for a house. Kya and I decided we need a house and most definitely a yard! She's learning to behave a little better, though. If only I could get her to not bite people's faces.

Class at 8am, so I'm going to retire for the night. Goodnight world :)


Thursday, April 17, 2008

Papal Mass at National Stadium

From the first papal mass in the U.S. God bless the Holy See.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Are there ever times when you just feel like shit?


A good song:

So, yesterday, I remembered how much I love to drive. I love being alone with good music playing, driving next to open fields with my windows down. I missed it. It makes me feel like I am free to think... about anything. I don't feel like I have to guard my thoughts or engage in conversation. For a moment, I'm free to just think.

I like the phrase "free spirit". It makes me happy to think of it.

Kya and I need to find a house soon. I don't want an apartment afterall. I'm not sure that I can even get one, but I really really want to try. She needs a yard. Kya is a puppy Sam and I just got. I wrote a blog about her, but never finished it and never posted it. Here's a pic:

Isn't she just beautiful?

I'm sitting in class and don't want to listen. I'm ready to graduate! Oh my! <-- I miss that.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Shorts and tee shirts

Oh my. It has been an exhausting day. I'm at the National Student Nurses' Association annual convention, and my oh my... it has been quite a looong day. You'd think, being away at a really nice hotel and doing awesome things with your profession (or pre-profession). I woke up -LATE- at 0530. The day turned out well overall, but some friends and I have run into several not-so-pleasant situations. All of them were made not so pleasant by very poor customer service.

Oh well. Pizza is coming soon and I am out of my uncomfortable business clothes and in shorts and a tee :) And I can't tell you how happy that makes me.

Oh!!! I accepted a postion as a nurse!! I'm so excited!

Also excited for other reasons... actually I've been very excited lately. I wonder... is that a sign of good things to come?

I hope so.

I want to write and write and write. But I'm borrowing a friend's MacBook (cool I must say), and we've both got quizzes to take online.. Therefore, I must part with my dear, scare audience.

And to you I bid goodnight. I miss you.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Happy day

So, I decided not to work tonight. I'd rather play softball anyway. What a rebel am I ;)

Friday, March 7, 2008

Busy, busy bee

I'm ready. Ready to be as busy as I have to be to get through the next two months.

Worked 8 last night... no big, and YAY! Now I'll have a paycheck! Haha. I've got clinical tonight, Sat night, and Sun night -missing another softball game :( I'm glad I worked yesterday, but an 8 followed by 3 12hr shifts? Yikes. I'm gonna be some kinda tired Monday morning. I'll get home from work around 8 and sleep til 5 :)

I'm ready to be done with the chaos of trying to coordinate crazy clinical times with studying for exams, class, work, and sleep! My goodness!

So, I started looking for apartments :) It turns out, getting into an apartment won't be as expensive as I thought. I guess I'll move in about June or so. Wow, I feel not so much like a kid anymore. I'm really excited about finally having my own place. On my days off, I can just enjoy whatever, instead of feeling like I should occupy every minute of my day with studying or working on assignments. I can visit home whenever, see my parents, Andi, and Sam as often as I want!! And then, on the weekends, maybe Andi and I can visit Bink. I can't begin to explain how happy and ready for all of this I am.

The only part I'm not so ready for are all of the expenses that come with starting off on my own. The deposit and fees for the apartment, down payment for a new car, etc. Heck, I still have to save up $ for graduation inviations, the next $200 payment in the application to take NCLEX, and other random expenses. Haha, I guess I'm always thinking further down the road.

The next two months are going to be fast and furious, but all I can say is bring it.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


I got my first job offer yesterday!! I am SO EXCITED! God willing, I'll be an RN (real nurse, haha) in June :]

I interviewed for a position yesterday, and got a job offer on the spot. The amazing thing is that for a new grad, night positions are somewhat of a given, especially in specialty areas such as ICU, Labor and Delivery, etc. I applied for a position in an ICU, DAYS!!! And she wanted to hire me yesterday!

I am... needless to say... very excited ;)

Monday, March 3, 2008


I am thoroughly thoroughly exhausted. And clinicals have yet to begin.


Thursday, February 14, 2008


Happy love day! I get to see my love this evening.... WOOO! I hope all of you are having a wonderful day. God bless.

Sunday, February 10, 2008


I think about days past, times missed.

I remember high school... how we'd leave bio and hang out before leaving, all the while, asking "What if..." questions. I miss being so dedicated to school that we'd get there before daylight almost every day. I miss softball practice, running around the bases, playing catch every day, fielding, Coach Patty and Coach James, the bus rides home from games.

I miss being at home and waking up to the smell of my momma's cooking. I miss hearing my dad sing while he dusts the dining room table. I miss Andi and her room that reminds me so much of my grandma. I miss India and Willie and Nelson, my gorgeous dogs.

I miss not worrying about bills or work or clinical. Or tuition. I miss the earnestness with which I believed that friends would always be friends, especially after dating. I miss my super great GPA that reflected how hard I work. I miss the familiarity of faces.

I miss the excitement of not knowing what I was gonna do with my life.

I miss waiting in the drive through at Jumburrito for the restaurant to open.

Sometimes I just miss days that I've lost and times I will never see again.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Your heart

Have you ever examined your heart? I mean truly taken the time to be quiet and listen? Do you know what means most to you?

Do you have secrets you know you'll never tell a soul?

Have you ever written down your story? Are you ever afraid of what other people cannot see? Do people know you... the real you?

Are you happy?

Have you ever felt beyond repair? Have you ever scared yourself? Do you think with your heart or your mind?

Do you let people in?

Are you the same person alone as when you're with other people? Is there a person you trust absolutely? Why?

Do you ever just feel like crying? Do you trust yourself? Do you trust others? Are you where you want to be?

If not, why not go there?

Friday, February 1, 2008


It is February! I don't know what that excites me, but it does. I need to start applying for jobs! AHHHhhhh!

I'm so proud of myself. I took 2 exams today and 2 quizzes, and I didn't even have to tak the exams. I feel so productive because they aren't due until mid-March. Yay, I'm done :) It feels good. Now I need to start on some other assignments so that I'm not staying up until 2 in the morning trying to finish.

My sister and I are going home this weekend... Super Bowl, Andi, Mom&Dad, laundry, Samy!!! I'm ready.

Friday, January 25, 2008

My stance on religion

Lately, I've been wanting to learn more and more about my Catholic faith. I am so proud to be a part of the universal church, that which is the church of Jesus Christ. I spent several hours online today, researching both standpoints (Protestant and Catholic) on various religious issues. I don't want to argue with anyone about anything. However, I DO want to grow to the point where I can take part in an intelligent conversation on religion and hold my own.

I got really frustrated earlier as I read a blog about whether two persons of different faiths/denominations can have a succesesful marriage. What upset me most was that people started to say things about the church that are completely untrue! It made me want to comment back, asking for their references. :sigh:

I want to know why we, as brothers and sisters in Christ, tear each other apart, rather than build each other up. I understand that there are differences, but rather than focus on that, why can't we show each other Christ's love first and foremost?

That is what I want to do. I want to give as much effort to studying Christ's life and teachings and my faith in Him as I have/do to every school subject that I've ever taken interest in. But above all...I want to be Christ to others.

Sunday, January 20, 2008


Isn't it weird how some of your friends just fall off the planet?

I think it interesting to think that there are many people you've met in your life, some friends, whom you'll never talk to or see again.

This saddens me a bit.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Peace of Mind

So, not that I'm counting down or anything, but I have twenty weeks from tomorrow to the day I graduate! I am terribly excited :-D

Sam and I have been discussing job opportunities and such... trying to figure out which hospital will be the best for me to work at without contract constraints. Oh the joy! I even catch myself in class figuring how many hours a week I'll work and what days I'll be able to have lunch with my parents. The only sad part about that is that as a new grad, I'll most likely get stuck on night rotation for a good year or so :( But I guess most traumas happen then, and it'll be good for me to experience day and night shifts.

This semester I'm taking an ER elective that actually doubles my clinical time... yea, tell me about it! I'll have 95 hours of clinical for Med-Surg III, 95 for ER, and about 24 hours for random other classes. Looks like I'll be very busy! Still, it will be a wonderful opportunity for me. I'm so excited.

And Sam... well, he's going to have his own business (and by that, I mean busy-ness)! He'll be working, going to class, shadowing doctors, studying for MCAT...

We're one happenin' couple! Haha, I'm a dork, I know.

I suppose I should be on my way, however. My planner is only half in order and my sister and I will be leaving to do a bit of shopping here in a minute or two... new running shoes!!!!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


I'm 21! Here are some pics from my birthday :)