Solstice in secrets

I believe there are aspects of every person that are kept private. You
may know someone better than any other person on earth knows him or
here, but you will never know everything. Obviously, there may be
questions never asked or topics never talked about. But what about
those issues that are discussed or those areas he or she purposefully
never brings up? A person may, and most likely will, manipulate the
words he or she chooses to use so as to influence the way you think
about him or her.

I am guilty of asking, "What are you
thinking?". In fact, I believe that may be my favorite question. But
what if a person doesn't want to tell me what he or she is thinking and
just doesn't feel comfortable saying "I don't really care to tell you
my private thoughts." ?Hmmmn.

What brought this thought to me
was a dream I had last night. It was surreal but so real at the same
time. It was random and didn't make much sense to me. While I seriously
doubt, like most of my dreams, that it has any implications to the real world or says anything about
my subconscious, I don't really care to tell anyone about it. A peculiar attitude to have, I know, but really, I don't care. When I mentioned earlier that there are some things that people, no matter how close, will never know about you, I failed to mention that I think this is perfectly okay.

It is okay to keep some things to yourself. It is okay to not share EVERY aspect of your being. However, it is also okay to do the opposite and let that special person know whatever he or she wants to know. I guess its just a personal preference thing.

Good song

Cory Morrow- Beat of Your Heart

I hear that you’re doing unwell
From your smile I could never tell
You open up the door and the world pours in
All of its problems, solutions and sins
Everybody seems to have a remedy
But there ain’t no remedy that’s ever gonna cure me

(chorus)
Take it while it comes ‘cause it don’t last long
Hesitate and the moment’s gone
Run in the rain and howl at the moon
Fall in love way too soon
Take my hand as the music starts
And we’ll dance to the beat of your heart

There’s a distance in your eyes
Seems you been looking for a place to hide
There’s nothing but love around you that might shine
But you can’t see for your cryin eyes
You stand in a crowd when you wanna be alone
You’re your own contradiction but you’re not alone

(Repeat Chorus)

You know you’ll stumble down that road
Trembling from the cold
But this heart and this love can save you
It can save you

(Repeat Chorus)

And we’ll dance to the beat of your heart (2x)

To the beat of your heart (2x)

Decisions

I have a very important decision to make.

I am graduating- God willing- in May. Four months of school left.... AAHhhhh! The big decision I'm facing is where I'll work.

Do I want to stay where I am now or go home? I don't know that it'll matter all that much career-wise really, because either way, I'll have my degree and my licensure. I can work in an ICU/ER anywhere. But where to go?!

Here: bigger city= more things to do, little sister here, I love the hospital I already work at, bigger hospital= more experiences?, employee satisfaction is higher here

Home: mom and dad, little sister there too, Sam, work in the same ICU as my dad (that'd be cool), save more money

I really really don't know what I want to do. :sigh: Big decision to make in little time. Little time kind of meaning this week. Oh my. Pray for me please.

More than frustrating

AHHHHhhhhh!

What the heck does she want from me? Grrrr!!! I have a professor to whom I turn in some of my projects, and she is about to drive me crazy! I am more than a little perturbed at the moment, if you can't tell already. So, not that I'm making bad grades on the assignments she's grading, but I am upset with her grading methods. Perhaps I should be talking to her about this, but seeing as she is currently grading the last assignment I have in this course, I'll leave it to suffice myself with this temporary ranting session.

I did great on my first assignment, making a high A. :o) and this was me. However (and isn't this always the case?), on my following assignments she has dropped my grades to low A's. Now before you get the impression that I'm somewhat of a "penny-pincher" but with my grades (which I very well may be), I must explain. After my second grade dropped, I set an appointment with her for each of the following assignments. I finished my work early and had her read over it to get her opinions on what I should change, as she grades much differently than any other faculty I've had in past semesters.

Now what really gets me is that I'd finish everything ahead of time, go out of my way to come up to school on my days off to meet with her, get everything fixed just the way she suggested- just to get another low A. What the heck does she want?! Stuff like this frustrates me like nothing else... Ahhh! I'd go over nursing interventions with her to make sure they were specific enough (that's her biggest concern), and she'd tell me what to do to make them more specific. I'd sit there, RIGHT BESIDE HER, and fix it. Then later, when I turned it in, it was like I never met with her.

I need to stop thinking about this, I can feel my blood pressure rising. Haha, kidding, kidding. It does get to me though.

:sigh: I think I'll just finish my apple and go to class. Maybe I'll use the eliptical later today and get all the senseless stress out of me.

Currently thinking...

1) 12-hour shifts somewhat suck
2) I appreciate grateful patients
3) I have the most amazing boyfriend
4) My legs feel like they are about to fall off
5) My boyfriend makes me feel so special
6) I got the ER elective!!
7) I love my sweet Samy <3

Just curious

Do you ever feel like someone is watching you? More than that, do you ever get the feeling that someone is following you (in any way)? Maybe that someone is learning about you without you knowing?

Weird? Maybe.

But occasionally, I feel like this.

On another note, I can't wait 'til Thursday! Sam is coming and we might go camping... if it's not too cold. I'm so excited!! I love to go camping with him. I like wake up to the amazingly good breakfast he's cooked on the back of his truck. He is so, so good to me <3 I love you Samy.

Style

I am sittig cross-legged on my sister's daybed trying to focus on finishing a paper that's due Monday. I have one page left and it's not too bad. I guess it's more of a story than a paper, but in my opinion, a paper is a paper.

I like this room a lot. There is a pink dresser that sits caddy-corner to the bed. The window is partially covered by a tapestry looking throw blanket. Next to the dresser is a sink-right-into oversized wicker lounge chair that is piled high with the clothes she decides not to wear. Next to the bed is a nightstand with a stereo that plays a never boring array of music. Her music ranges from oldies to classic rock to indie to christian to romantic Frank Sinatra/Josh Groban types. None of the furniture or bedding matches and everything has paint on it. There are random cut-outs of magazines taped to the wall along with paintings she's made and those we've found at garage sales. This room reminds me so much of my grandma.

I love my sisters. We are each different and similiar in our own ways. If I were to put one word to each of our styles, I would say I am "classic". Bianca is "laid-back" . Andrea's is "artsy."

Marriage arrangements and super cool Christian videos

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21369007/

Wow, check out the article linked above. Amazing how much the world has changed.

And this is totally off-subject, but I ran across this video, and I liiike it :o)
The first of the two if probably my favorite video ever.

:o)

Just finished working out, about to eat breakfast, and I feel SO good :o)

So random

So random, I know, but I found this and it made me wanna laugh :o)

Next semester

It is so hard for me to believe that next semester will be my last for the next year or two. This semester is winding down, and it just hit me that I will be graduating, God willing, on May 17th. I will be walking the stage, signifying the completion of nursing school. It blows my mind.

Before I'm quite that far, I want to take an elective in ER nursing. I think I want to start out in an ICU after school but I'm also thinking of ER. I work there a lot as a nurse tech, and I love it. The only problem with taking this elective is that there are only 6 available spots. We have about 100 in our graduating class, maybe 25 or so interested in this course. We each have to write a summary of why we want to take the ER course and why we should be chosen for it. The instructor posted something today about how we will be working day and night shifts and we more than likely get opportunities for flight nursing in the trauma helicopters. I really really want it.

I think I'll spend a good amount of time writing that summary.

I've been rethinking being a CRNA, certified registered nurse anthesthetist. I just don't know. I think it'd be a great job with great pay, but I really feel like I'm a pretty good caregiver, and CRNA's only see the patients right before surgery and shortly thereafter. I wouldn't really get to know any of them unless complications necessitated the need for extended monitoring. Also, I might get kind of borded with it. They intubate the patient and begin anesthesia, but for the rest of the time they can just hang out, with the exception of monitoring vital signs occassionally- but even then, the monitor will beep if there's any cause for concern. From the 5 or so surgeries I've seen, I've seen them play solitare, surf the internet, play dj for the OR, talk on the phone, and do random bits of whatever they want to do. I personally think CRNA's are paid more for what they know to do in the event of an emergency than what they do in an everyday surgery. I'll keep thinking about this one...

Well, I should study since I guess I DO have to finish this semester and next before I think about graduating and making plans about grad school.