Letter to God

Dear God,

I've been crying a lot lately. I worry too much about things that I can't change or can't control. I don't want to cry anymore. I want to be able to think that everything will be okay instead of worrying about how hard things are.

Things WILL be okay. I just stress a lot, not for dumb reasons, but too much. What am I to do? How am I supposed to handle everything that I'm faced with now? I will continue to pray. Is it bad that I feel guilty for asking so much? I cannot do it without you. So God, hear my prayer now.

On another note, God, I ask that you bless all of my friends this Christmas. Friends that I've always been close to, those with whom our relationships have dwindled, people I no longer talk to, and those whom I talk to everyday. Bless my family, bless my love. Keep us all safe this christmas and let us not be selfish in wanting gifts. All I want is time with my family and my dear sweet love. I promise it is all I ask for. I don't want anyone to spend any money on me. I have no money with which to buy gifts for the people I love and this makes me cry. You know me, God.

And I love you.

Please hear my prayer, hear what is in my heart. Make me and my faith strong. Make me act as your son would. I want to make you proud.

Your humble daughter and servant,

Miranda

Not so hot

Just finished my last exam before finals start tomorrow. It sucked very badly. What makes it worse is that the exam was over topics I've learned about. But the exam was on stupid nit-picky details that have nothing to do with the concept of the topic. I'm so frustrated right now. I am a little worried now... I was sitting at a B in the class, but if I do as poorly on this test as I feel... I will be very very sad.

That is all for now. Goodbye.

Solstice in secrets

I believe there are aspects of every person that are kept private. You
may know someone better than any other person on earth knows him or
here, but you will never know everything. Obviously, there may be
questions never asked or topics never talked about. But what about
those issues that are discussed or those areas he or she purposefully
never brings up? A person may, and most likely will, manipulate the
words he or she chooses to use so as to influence the way you think
about him or her.

I am guilty of asking, "What are you
thinking?". In fact, I believe that may be my favorite question. But
what if a person doesn't want to tell me what he or she is thinking and
just doesn't feel comfortable saying "I don't really care to tell you
my private thoughts." ?Hmmmn.

What brought this thought to me
was a dream I had last night. It was surreal but so real at the same
time. It was random and didn't make much sense to me. While I seriously
doubt, like most of my dreams, that it has any implications to the real world or says anything about
my subconscious, I don't really care to tell anyone about it. A peculiar attitude to have, I know, but really, I don't care. When I mentioned earlier that there are some things that people, no matter how close, will never know about you, I failed to mention that I think this is perfectly okay.

It is okay to keep some things to yourself. It is okay to not share EVERY aspect of your being. However, it is also okay to do the opposite and let that special person know whatever he or she wants to know. I guess its just a personal preference thing.

Good song

Cory Morrow- Beat of Your Heart

I hear that you’re doing unwell
From your smile I could never tell
You open up the door and the world pours in
All of its problems, solutions and sins
Everybody seems to have a remedy
But there ain’t no remedy that’s ever gonna cure me

(chorus)
Take it while it comes ‘cause it don’t last long
Hesitate and the moment’s gone
Run in the rain and howl at the moon
Fall in love way too soon
Take my hand as the music starts
And we’ll dance to the beat of your heart

There’s a distance in your eyes
Seems you been looking for a place to hide
There’s nothing but love around you that might shine
But you can’t see for your cryin eyes
You stand in a crowd when you wanna be alone
You’re your own contradiction but you’re not alone

(Repeat Chorus)

You know you’ll stumble down that road
Trembling from the cold
But this heart and this love can save you
It can save you

(Repeat Chorus)

And we’ll dance to the beat of your heart (2x)

To the beat of your heart (2x)

Decisions

I have a very important decision to make.

I am graduating- God willing- in May. Four months of school left.... AAHhhhh! The big decision I'm facing is where I'll work.

Do I want to stay where I am now or go home? I don't know that it'll matter all that much career-wise really, because either way, I'll have my degree and my licensure. I can work in an ICU/ER anywhere. But where to go?!

Here: bigger city= more things to do, little sister here, I love the hospital I already work at, bigger hospital= more experiences?, employee satisfaction is higher here

Home: mom and dad, little sister there too, Sam, work in the same ICU as my dad (that'd be cool), save more money

I really really don't know what I want to do. :sigh: Big decision to make in little time. Little time kind of meaning this week. Oh my. Pray for me please.

More than frustrating

AHHHHhhhhh!

What the heck does she want from me? Grrrr!!! I have a professor to whom I turn in some of my projects, and she is about to drive me crazy! I am more than a little perturbed at the moment, if you can't tell already. So, not that I'm making bad grades on the assignments she's grading, but I am upset with her grading methods. Perhaps I should be talking to her about this, but seeing as she is currently grading the last assignment I have in this course, I'll leave it to suffice myself with this temporary ranting session.

I did great on my first assignment, making a high A. :o) and this was me. However (and isn't this always the case?), on my following assignments she has dropped my grades to low A's. Now before you get the impression that I'm somewhat of a "penny-pincher" but with my grades (which I very well may be), I must explain. After my second grade dropped, I set an appointment with her for each of the following assignments. I finished my work early and had her read over it to get her opinions on what I should change, as she grades much differently than any other faculty I've had in past semesters.

Now what really gets me is that I'd finish everything ahead of time, go out of my way to come up to school on my days off to meet with her, get everything fixed just the way she suggested- just to get another low A. What the heck does she want?! Stuff like this frustrates me like nothing else... Ahhh! I'd go over nursing interventions with her to make sure they were specific enough (that's her biggest concern), and she'd tell me what to do to make them more specific. I'd sit there, RIGHT BESIDE HER, and fix it. Then later, when I turned it in, it was like I never met with her.

I need to stop thinking about this, I can feel my blood pressure rising. Haha, kidding, kidding. It does get to me though.

:sigh: I think I'll just finish my apple and go to class. Maybe I'll use the eliptical later today and get all the senseless stress out of me.

Currently thinking...

1) 12-hour shifts somewhat suck
2) I appreciate grateful patients
3) I have the most amazing boyfriend
4) My legs feel like they are about to fall off
5) My boyfriend makes me feel so special
6) I got the ER elective!!
7) I love my sweet Samy <3